Found this article several years ago and I couldn't have said it better.  I see these mistakes every day in my students' work not only when they start but even in experienced students' work. Scriptwriting Clasess

The credits for this article are included below.

This Scene Sucks: 15 Screenwriting Mistakes to Avoid
By: Script Magazine | November 20, 2013
by Timothy Cooper

Please enjoy this scene from my nonexistent, Birds vs. Bees.

I wrote this opening scene specifically for this article, but there isn’t a single error in it that I haven’t read in actual screenplays hundreds of times. I’m serious.

Can you spot all 15 (at least) errors?

Once upon a time, television was called a "vast wasteland."  Granted, this was years before PBS and many groundbreaking dramas and comedies but the perception has remained.  And, to be fair, for every brilliant series (like "Game of Thrones") there's double the amount of crap being foisted on the viewing public whether that viewing is online, streaming or on "traditional" TV or cable.

Here's a few new shows I thought would be worth mentioning.  Some are "bingey" and some are being released more traditionally week-by-week.  They also share the fact that it's a pretty disparate list of production entities that have traditionally not been involved in original programming.  This is, in a word, wonderful.  The more the better as far as I'm concerned although it can be a challenge keeping up with them all.

This list, which is simple and by no means comprehensive, doesn't include so many other worthy series but these are just the ones I've been watching lately.

One the things I absolutely love about today's entertainment landscape is the ability to see shows that we might never have seen given where they were made.

I've always embraced the shows that were coming across from other countries.  BBC America probably started it but Netflix really pushed this effort. This continues with "Spotless" a Franco-Brit combined production that deals with a quite unusual premise but the world set up here slants everything including normally familiar relationships and consequences of those relationships.

The Premise: Jean Bastier (Marc-André Grondin) who owns a business that cleans up crime scenes, gets involved with gangsters after his shady brother Martin (Denis Ménochet) comes back into his life, forcing Jean to use his cleaning skills to eliminate evidence of crimes.

It's hard to describe this show in some senses.  It's well written, acted and shot.  What also works all the time are the relationships which seem both mundane and profound. 

"Goliath" is the newest show by super-producer/writer David E. Kelly. 

It stars Billy Bob Thornton and features some great supporting actors like Maria Bello (ex-wife/rival attny), Olivia Thirlby (rival attny), Sarah Wynter (client), Tania Raymonde (hooker/paralegal), and Molly Parker (attny in rival firm.)  William Hurt plays a demonic figure (ala "The Natural") who sits in the dark and uses a clicker to show his anger or disdain for people (you'll just have to see it.)

Kelly tells a personal story of how he promised his kids he wouldn't write any more lawyer shows.  But this isn't like anything you've seen from this prolific writer.  Bad words, drinking, drug use, violence...it follows the trend of the  edgier shows that have been coming out.  It's an Amazon Prime original so they can get away with challenging the audience.

And it does.

Taking place in Santa Monica with locations at the famous dive bar Chez Jay, "Goliath" features an attorney on the edge of slipping away from the legal world until he's approached with a redemption-type case.  The storyline of redemption borrows heavily from "The Verdict" the Lumet/Newman/Mamet courtroom masterpiece that for me never gets old.

Event review
byMark Sevi

THE PRO

The first thing you notice about Leah is she is a no-spin zone - the good kind.  Ask a question and she gives you a straight and honest answer.  It's a reflection of her years in the industry reading and evaluating scripts.  But more than that, it's a true reflection of an industry pro; someone who has seen what being disingenuous can lead to - unrealistic expectations and misunderstandings that becomes heartache and heartbreak as you try to navigate an industry (Hollywood) that you don't understand.

She does understand it oh so well.

The amazing thing about Leah is that this honesty can make some people sound cynical and mean-spirited and Leah is nothing of the sort.  She is open, always smiling, always ready to give someone a great tip.  That was abundantly clear at our event before, during and after.   (more after the jump - hit CONTINUED below)

Didn't think I was going to enjoy "Westworld" on HBO. I liked, not loved, the movie although it was sufficiently violent and creepy to appease my young mind.

But the first episode of the series has me wanting more.

You think you know what this show is about: A wonderland of fantasy where any whim can be accommodated. That's about as close to what is presented as the old TV show "Fantasy Island" is to the porn films that use the same title. The movie itself showed/implied a lot of this from what I can remember; the series kicks that theme up several notches.

The show's 1st episode more than implies what that would really mean to anyone wealthy enough to buy a ticket to this world where anything goes; and given what's on the horizon technologically- and virtually-speaking, the thought of this world or some form of it existing is getting much closer which is even more troubling.

Violence in "Westworld" is epidemic. The Wild West is used as a motif purposefully. Blood (faux) flows as "people" (robots called Hosts) get their throats cut or shot in the neck. In one scene, a leering manbot host about to rape a fembot prostitute host in a saloon is shot from behind and his face opens like a squeezed grape. It's a quick image but memorable nonetheless. One hapless manbot gets scalped and although you don't actually see the gruesome details (yet) you are shown the beginning and end, and that he has been bled nearly dry by his tormentor.

Ultra-violent, seemingly senseless gunfights take place in streets as outlaws roar through towns shooting women and men. No children have appeared so far but can't that be far behind given the level of violence that the first 45 minutes has shown. Or maybe not. Even the hint of that particular sexual/violent perversion would cross a line because it would be all too possible here and I'm sure neither the builders of Westworld (nor the producers of the show) want to introduce even the possibility of that. Thanks to them (all) for that small restraint although you have to wonder if they are being true to the themes - would that ever be off the table if this Westworld was real? Let's continue to hope so - I don't want to squirm any more than I already am while watching this.

Scriptwriting is a fantastic way to frustrate the crap out of you.  Even if you conquer everything - plot, characters, theme, etc. you still may completely miss the mark - selling it - if you don't pay attention to the tip of the spear:

The Concept.  (warning: I'm going to whip this spear analogy to death)

A high concept is (loosely) defined as being "the elevator pitch" - something you can say in a few sentences between floors of an elevator ride.  I say parking lot pitch because it's even harder to contain someone who is searching for their car and anxious to get out of wherever they are - elevators are simple.  Unless the person you're pitching is an action hero and can escape through the roof, they're stuck.  Parking lots not so much - but I digress.

A pitch can also be the logline (I'll give you examples below)

BULL (new series on CBS):  Based on Doctor Phil's early life, a psychologist who is a world-renowned jury analyzer solves crimes every week.

BRAIN DEAD: An alien species invades people's brains in Washington and makes them even more partisan than they are causing even more gridlock in the halls of power.

Columbo:   A seemingly bumbling detective who is actually a brilliant crime fighter, solves the HOW DONE IT instead of the WHO DONE IT.

The concept here is to pitch someone quickly and concisely so they request your script.

One of the hardest tasks I face as a scriptwriting teacher is convincing new (and sometimes vetted) students not to put internal thoughts into scripts.  I call this inner narrative.  This is action or meanings only a reader would be able to glean because there is no way for a director or actor to matriculate that information to the screen.

Passages like: "He remembered his mother who told him always to wear clean underwear" has no function unless it can be tied to the precise moment that is contextualized in your script.

Rape?

I frowned at the students' contention.  Then I started to think about it.  Is it?  Maybe they had a point.

I had assigned the movie "Overboard" to my Intro to Scriptwriting class (Class Info) in honor of Garry Marshall's passing. I needed a romcom and that was the one that fit best when I looked at his filmography.  The discussion was to be about how these types of movies work and when done properly, reinforce the best of what is a fun genre.

The key words here are "was to be."

An interesting and troubling side discussion came up about the sex scene in which Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have (loving) intercourse.  It comes at an appropriate time in the film and it's shot very beautifully and tenderly.

So why could it be considered rape?

The storyline is simple and funny.  Goldie plays a wealthy, obnoxious woman who is married to a vacuous and specious man.  They do nothing positive as they sail the seas in yachts that look like the Queen Mary.  She is not happy, never satisfied and constantly, consistently ultra-critical of everyone and everything.  He hates her (it's obvious) and yearns to be free from her constant screech.

Russell is Joe Everyman, a widower, laissez-faire father with three unruly boys who the school district is about to come down hard on because the boys are quite boisterous, even to toilet-papering the school's principal when she visits to welcome them to the area. The principal warns Russell that he has to get some supervision for the boys or else the next visit will be from social services.

Recently, my Intermediate class students all had a difficult workshop session.  Most of the comments on all of their scripts were not positive.  The comments were constructive to be sure but even constructive criticism is hard to take.  It still means "this isn't working."  I wrote them an open letter that then became this article.  I've expanded it a bit from the original form.

There's a war going on inside you.

Your head and fingers are in constant battle.  What you see with your mind's eye about your script never ends up to be what actually gets to your fingers.  Why is that?  I blame...uh, Canada (that's from the movie "South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut" and I'm just kidding so relax.)

Here's the problem; it's too easy to write that first flush of great scenes that you see so clearly when that concept comes to you.  After that it's nearly impossible to clearly see the ramifications of that work.  You think you know the story but unless you've carefully charted out each moment, sh*t happens. 

Even if you've carefully charted out your script you take side trips; a character inserts himself or herself demanding more attention than you had intended.  Maybe a piece of information comes to you or you have to change something that you thought worked.

Also, each day you're a different person and your mood, attitudes, sense of life changes.  If you're doing the work properly, you are writing from your subconscious mind and that changes - a lot - as you process each and every moment of your life.

A script seems simple but is maddeningly complex. 

Most of the time, what you have in your head is not what ends up on the page. 

Welcome to the new website for the
Orange Country Screenwriters Association!

A lot has changed, web-wise, since the 1st time I put up a website for this org in 2009. 

We've gone from a Flash-based site, to a Drupal-based site that was mostly custom-built, to now this platform.

I've migrated most of the articles over from the old site and this migration will be ongoing until the old site can be safely put to bed and this site given its due.

I hope that you will visit regularly and enjoy the content here.  I will also list all our social media and partner sites which include screenwriting classes, tips, etc.

Today as always: Be Inspired, Do Good Work!

Mark Sevi, President Orange County Screenwriters Association

"Doc Hollywood" is a romantic comedy based on the book What?...Dead Again? by Neil B. Shulman M.D.  It stars Michael J. Fox and Julie Warner with a cast of great character actors including David Ogden Stiers ("Mash") and Barnard Hughes with Woody Harrelson and Bridget Fonda. 

Fox plays an egocentric young doctor heading to L.A. to join a plastic surgery practice.  He gets run off the road on the way, destroys the local judge's new fence and is sentenced to community service because the town needs a doctor.  The ploy is designed to make him fall in love with the town in the hopes that he'll stay and become their next town doctor. 

It helps that the first morning he's there, he's greeted by the fetching Julie Warner rising out of a lake, nude, like some demi-goddess nymph.  That definitely sparks his interest in staying and creates a truly warm and funny romantic comedy as Fox fights his urge to be a big-city doctor and not follow his heart which is captured by both the town and Ms Warner.

"NCIS" (the original) has been an ongoing success for 13 seasons.  To gain some perspective on that, when the show started the agents were using PDAs, not smart phones.  No one knew (or cared about) Kim Kardashian, Justin Beiber, Taylor Swift, Facebook (they used MySpace!!) or the Donald (Trump, not Duck.)  And there was no Homeland Security.

I have to admit that I was never much interested in this show - procedurals in general left me less than enthused.  I watched the various Law and Orders but not regularly (another great example of long-running episodic TV.)  Netflix brought me to this show and I somehow have become hooked.

I was a "Magnum P.I." fan but not "Jag."  Both were created by super-producer Donald Bellisario as was "NCIS."  The show is well-crafted with great characters - a hallmark of Bellasario.  You can rail against the "formula" but it works:

• Gibbs (Mark Harmon) a tough-as-nails ex-Marine who runs the joint.
• DiNozzo (Michael Weatherly) the womanizer/joker.
• Ducky (David McCallum) the quirky, yet formidable forensic coroner.
• Abby (Pauley Perrette) - a goth in goth clothing (with pigtails) who is the (also quirky) jack-of-all trades forensic scientist.
• McGee (Sean Murphy) - a whipsmart geek/agent continuously trying to figure out who he is in the scheme of the agency and his fellow agents.
• Ziva (Cote de Pablo) the hot Mossad agent who came in on Season 2 and stayed until Season 11.

Scriptwriting Classes at Irvine Valley College - Mark Sevi

 Scriptwriting Classes
 Taught by a Professional Screenwriter (credits)

CLASSES ONGOING and RUN EVERY 8-10 WEEKS. 

MORE INFO!

These writing classes are through IVC Continuing Education: Website (123getsmart.com) for more information, or call Community Ed (949) 451-5555 if the information is not yet on the website.  
You can also leave a voicemail at 949.610.4299

Learn how to write a script but more importantly learn techniques on how to tell a complete and compelling story!

Get that movie/TV series/animation idea on paper!  Don't think about it - do it now!  
What are you waiting for?  Seriously!